One Down, One Up

Video

2007-06-30T08:17:00.000-07:00

Have you seen these videos...
The Landlord http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/74
The Landlord Outtakes http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/4152
Good Cop, Baby Cop http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/33f2687080
You guys would like them.

Grrrreat Idea for a Disguise Until Your Bunky Sees You

2007-06-21T04:57:00.001-07:00

From today's Plain Dealer:

U.S. Marshals haul lion-costumed man to jail
Posted by Donna J. Miller June 20, 2007 14:43PM
Categories: Breaking News, Crime

U.S. Marshals snared a lion Wednesday and hauled him to jail.

OK, it wasn't a real lion, but a man wearing a furry costume: James Wagner, 39, of Canonsburg, Pa.

Wagner has been running from the law for more than two years, marshals say. He was wanted on charges of raping and impregnating a girl in Pennsylvania.
James Wagner

Marshals in Pennsylvania received a tip that Wagner was working at a cell phone store on Ohio 91 in Solon. They heard that his job there was to stand outside the store wearing a lion suit and luring people inside.

About 12:30 p.m. Wednesday, marshals drove to the store in a car. Sure enough, a lion enthusiastically waved them over.

The marshals jumped out of their car and struggled with the lion, until one marshal grabbed the tail.

Mission accomplished.

One cat in the bag.

Story photos here:

I felt the same way & I just read the book

2007-06-04T15:36:00.000-07:00

The Tortured Lives of Interrogators
Veterans of Iraq, N. Ireland and Mideast Share Stark Memories

By Laura Blumenfeld
Washington Post Staff Writer
Monday, June 4, 2007; Page A01

....
Not long ago in Iraq, he felt "absolute power," he said, over men kept in cages. Lagouranis had forced a grandfather to kneel all night in the cold and bombarded others in metal shipping containers with the tape of the self-help parody "Feel This Book: An Essential Guide to Self-Empowerment, Spiritual Supremacy, and Sexual Satisfaction," by comedians Ben Stiller and Janeane Garofalo. ("They hated it," Lagouranis recalled. "Like, 'Please! Just stop that voice!' ")

A funny graph from a disturbing article:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/06/03/AR2007060301121.html

Here's a collection of the Top 15 Funniest Unintentionally Funny Comic Book Panels of All Time.

2007-03-24T11:57:00.000-07:00

From YesButNoButYes

http://www.yesbutnobutyes.com/archives/2007/03/top_15_unintent.html

My Poem Set To Music

2007-03-12T16:46:00.000-07:00

RED {an orchestra} COLLABORATES WITH LOCAL POETS & WRITERS TO
CELEBRATE CLEVELAND
Jonathan Sheffer debuts "A Red Couch Floating in Lake Erie" symphony
to honor city

Cleveland, OH (March 12, 2007)—Orchestras are defined in some measure
by the musical personalities of their conductors, and Red is no
exception. Red {an orchestra}'s final performance for the 2006-2007
season, entitled That Red Guy, will include music composed and
arranged by Artistic Director Jonathan Sheffer.

"That Red Guy" begins with Sheffer's arrangement of Bach's Well-
Tempered Clavier in the minimalist style. The piece is followed by
Romp, Sheffer's showy concerto for saxophone and orchestra and
features Swedish saxophone soloist Anders Paulsson. "That Red Guy"
rounds out the performance with the debut of Sheffer's latest
symphony celebrating Cleveland titled A Red Couch Floating in Lake
Erie.

A Red Couch Floating In Lake Erie beautifully fuses a symphony of
singers with poetry developed in conjunction with members of Poets'
and Writers' League of Greater Cleveland (PWLGC). What would
Cleveland sound like if she were set to music? Sheffer answers by
encompassing Cleveland's unpredictable weather, its beloved sports
teams, the city's rich culture, her musical roots, and the town's
future within his 45-minute libretto.

Blues For Cleveland, poetry by John Carroll University English
professor George Bilgere, is one of many poems included in A Red
Couch Floating Over Lake Erie. Bilgere is a member of PWLGC; author
of Haywire; recipient of numerous awards and host of Wordplay, a
poetry radio show on WJCU (88.7 FM). Other Cleveland poets whose
works will be featured in Sheffer's symphony include John Stickney
and Megan Senthil.

Sheffer beautifully incorporated five vocal soloists into A Red Couch
Floating in Lake Erie. Appropriately, Cleveland resident Andrea
Chenoweth will perform the soprano part in the movement dedicated to
weather titled The Lake Effect. Nicole Larimer, mezzo-soprano from
southern California; Carl Halvorsen, tenor from Portland, Oregon;
Andrew Garland, baritone from New York City; and James Martin, bass-
baritone from Mississippi each have featured solos throughout the
piece.

"That Red Guy" features music composed and arranged by Sheffer.
Concerts take place Saturday, April 14 at 8 p.m. and Sunday, April 15
at 3 p.m. Both performances take place at the Masonic Auditorium
located at 3615 Euclid Avenue in downtown Cleveland. Tickets are
priced from $15-$65 and are available online at www.redanorchestra. org

Red {an orchestra} performances are made possible thanks to the
generous support of:
The Ohio Arts Council, Berlin Family Education Foundation, The
Cleveland Foundation, George W. Codrington Charitable Foundation,
George Gund Foundation, H. van Ameringen Foundation, The Human Fund,
Kulas Foundation, Edward A. and Catherine L. Lozick Foundation, The
Lubrizol Foundation, John P. Murphy Foundation, Ohio Arts Council,
William J. and Dorothy K. O'Neil Foundation, The Thomas H. White
Foundation, the Wolf Foundation, Forest City Enterprises, Park Ohio
and Key Bank.

About Jonathan Sheffer Artistic Director & Conductor of Red {an
orchestra}:
Conductor Jonathan Sheffer has, for the last ten years, turned his
attention to the question of what constitutes a concert
of "classical" music in the contemporary world. He founded the Eos
Orchestra in New York in 1995 as a laboratory of new programming
ideas. In 2001, he was invited by a group of musicians and arts
donors from Cleveland to lead a new organization with a similar
mission. The result: Red {an orchestra}. With the closing of Eos in
2004, Red is now the main outlet for these kinds of innovations. Mr.
Sheffer began studying conducting after working for nearly a decade
as a composer and conductor of Hollywood film scores. He made his
conducting debut with the San Diego Symphony in 1991. In the
early '90s he lead the Seattle Symphony in concerts that combined
unusual new works and performers with the standard repertoire, which
began the kinds of programming experiments that resulted a few years
later in Eos, and eventually, in Red. In addition to Eos and Red, he
has conducted opera, dance, and at various festivals, including the
New York City Opera, The Spoleto Festival (IT), and the Ravinia
Festival, and the New World Symphony in Miami. In the dance world,
Mr. Sheffer has conducted the American Ballet Theatre at the
Metropolitan Opera, as well as the Mark Morris Dance Company at BAM.
In addition he led the Scottish Chamber Orchestra with the Martha
Graham Dance Company at the Edinburgh Festival. Visit
www.jonathansheffer .com

About Red {an orchestra}:
We are classical musicians, artists, and thinkers united in our
commitment to our audiences: to REDefine classical music programming,
to REDesign the concert experience and REDiscover classical music.
Red was founded in Cleveland, Ohio in 2001 by a volunteer group of
arts patrons and musicians. Red educates, entertains, and inspires
its audiences by presenting a unique, multi-sensory, and memorable
music experience. Red is setting new standards for imaginative
musical programming by presenting music in collaboration with other
artistic disciplines such as film, visual arts, opera, theater,
poetry, and literature. Core to our mission is an intense focus on
cultural renewal and revitalization. Red strives to expand our
audiences' experiences by melding innovative style with the
traditional orchestral experience. Lead by Artistic Director and
Conductor, Jonathan Sheffer, Red {an orchestra} has completed four
successful seasons and is pleased to present a fifth season that is
guaranteed to delight and amaze. Visit www.redanorchestra. com

Red {an orchestra} presents
"That Red Guy"
Saturday, April 14 8:00 PM
Sunday, April 15 3:00 PM
Masonic Auditorium
3615 Euclid Avenue

Andrea Chenoweth, soprano
Nicole Larmer, mezzo-soprano
Carl Halvorson, tenor
Andrew Garland, baritone
James Martin, baritone
Anders Paulssen, soprano saxophone
Jonathan Sheffer, conductor

BACH (arr. Sheffer) 6 Preludes from "The Well-Tempered Calvier"
SHEFFER Romp (Concerto for Soprano Saxophone)
SHEFFER A Red Couch Floating In Lake Erie (A Symphony of Songs)

Tickets: 216.361.1733 or online at www.redanorchestra. org

Just Another Wiseguy

2007-03-05T15:53:00.000-08:00

Partial transcript: In the matter of The United States vs Angelo “Fuzzy” Leonardi,
CV 34-5789

Bailiff : All rise.

Judge Reynolds: I trust we had a good lunch.

Noises of affirmation from the Jury.

Judge Reynolds: Mr. Wallace, is the government ready to proceed.

AUSA Terrence Wallace: We are your Honor. We request that Special Agent John Breem return to the stand. Special Agent Breem, you’ve explained to the jury what a Blog is, would you please read the transcription of the Blog entries as you found them on your search of Mr. Leonardi’s computer.

Defense Attorney Robert Matthews: Objection your honor.

Judge Reynolds: We’ve covered this already Mr. Matthews.

Matthews: I want my objection to be part of the record.

Judge Reynolds: So noted.

In a deadpan, uninflected voice, SA Breen read the following:

“Just Another Wiseguy

I blame the Sopranos. When I was first coming up in the business, everyone had a copy of the Godfather on videotape in their house, everyone. That was like our Bible, that’s how we knew how to act. Then they brought out Gf 2 and Gf 3 – 3? – WTF was that? – and then the expanded additions version and then it was all put in sequential order with deleted scenes, like we were too dumb to know when stuff happened. Oh, you mean Vito was young once? Oh, that explains everything. No wonder we began to lose our way. I mean, who wanted to sit through an expanded fifty-five minute wedding scene? Shit, my own service didn’t last that long; some peoples marriages don’t last that long. And with the commentary, please, run your little camera, shoot your little scene, and do us all a favor, just shut the fuck up about it. Shut it.

So people began looking a little elsewhere, especially those younger guys who didn’t care for the Godfather music. They couldn’t tell Vic Damone from Al Martino if their mother’s life depended on it. But ask them about Snoop Puppy Dog and M&M, that shit they know. So, you go over their house and you start to see shit like Scarface – Al Pacino pretending he’s a Rican, please. And don’t they notice he gets shot to shit because he is a stupid show off fuck up? And some of them have Scarface Two – like some doctor could plug all those bullet holes. There ain’t enough caulk in all of Home Depot to fill all the holes put in that guy.

Other guys, they have shit like Goodfellows. Now, I don’t know how real any of that story is, but they all seemed queer to me. Big butt buddies, even before they went into prison. No honor, no dignity, no respect. Which helps to explain where we, as an industry, are at today. And then there is that Sopranos happy horseshit. Well, that’s enough for today.
Monday, June 15.

So, my anger counselor says I have to tone it down a bit. Less swear words, little ears, she said, little eyes. Like some kid’s gonna be reading this shit. No wonder my anger needs managing.

Thursday, June 19

This is how were going to work on my “issues”, no more verbal shit, no more talking, no more hitting, no more acting out. By typing. Confession is good for the deferred prosecution soul.

Sunday, June 27

So maybe she didn’t deserve it, maybe I should have just yelled or left or something but that level of disrespect; it deserved something swift and immediate. It’s not like she didn’t get some jewelry afterwards. Not Kobe Bryant money but enough.

Tuesday, July 8

Sorry I haven’t been writing, I had to up-grade to something called Blogger Plus, it shut down the comments (I know we all want to know what P’Oed thinks, hate to miss those pearls), wiped out my links, genuinely screwed things up. If it wasn’t for my nephew’s kid Brandon (yeah, I know, real Italian name there Sis) I would never have gotten back up. Blogger, Microsoft, those fucks, that’s the real organized crime. Bill Gates wets his beak on every computer sold.

Wednesday, July 9

Want a laugh, click on this U-Tune link, fucking guy getting shot in the foot.
I swear I laughed until I almost choked.

Friday, July 18

Can you believe the crap that ass wipe P’Oed dumps in my comments? I am getting flamed by that jerk - Dago this, greaseball that. I’ll give you flames, jerk off.

Tuesday, July 22

I’ve been tagged. Pal ‘O Mine tagged me to write four things about myself.

1. I frequently dream about starting people on fire, sometimes its quick, like with my eyes or something, like spontaneous human combustion, the person don’t even suffer. And sometimes it is not at all spontaneous, like taking our time.
2. I know cops and cops know me and some of them are computer cops.
3. Whenever I’m in the sack with two women at the same time I like to sit back a little and watch.
4. When I was little my dad hated dogs, cats, any kind of pets. He’d say – “That’s why God made houses, to keep the animals out.” But my sister and I found a puppy on the street, hid it in our room. We got caught the third night, never saw that puppy again, hated dogs ever since.

Friday, July 26

I can turn my comments back on. Like they say about the flaming guy from the Fantastic Four – Flame out.”

…

Judge: And how does the Jury find?

Foreman: Guilty, your Honor.

Sunday, Aug 10
…

From the Prison Blog – “There Ain’t No Easy Time” - of United States Prisoner 23758

I blame the Sopranos.

Thursday, December 23

Imagination, The Childhood Curse

2007-02-24T07:38:00.000-08:00

The Department of Health and Human Services issued a series of guidelines Monday designed to help parents curtail their children's boundless imaginations, which child-safety advocates say have the potential to rival motor vehicle accidents and congenital diseases as a leading cause of disability and death among youths ages 3 to 14.

http://www.theonion .com/content/ news/child_ safety_experts_ call_for

Demolition Magazine

2007-02-17T12:48:00.000-08:00

Demolition Magazine has published my short story, "Crossing Borders".

Many thanks to Bryon Quertermous and Dave White for their patience and their support.

Where have I been?

2006-09-04T08:33:00.000-07:00

Working. Getting ready for trial.
What have I not been up to?
Writing. Reading. Listening to music.
The good new - less than a month and one-half and I get my life back.

Gorilla reading a poem entitled Snakes on the motherf- - - ing

2006-08-20T09:03:00.000-07:00

If I told you I have a tape of - A Gorilla Reads A Poem - Who do you think the poet would be?

http://www.laist.com/archives/2006/08/17/a_gorilla_reads_a_bukowski_poem.php

Why are people writing haiku about "Snakes on a Plane?"

And why do they all seem to include the word "motherf-----?"

http://www.philly.com/mld/dailynews/15302305.htm

International Noir

2006-08-14T15:42:00.000-07:00

Words Without Borders: The Online Magazine For International Literature presents their second "noir" issue.

TEMPERS AND TEMPERATURES RISE August 2006

In the murderous summer heat—when, to quote Raymond Chandler, "Meek little wives feel the edge of the carving knife and study their husbands' necks"—we invite you to chill with the icy killers, con men, and cops of our second noir issue. Giampiero Rigosi's hustlers board the "Night Bus" in Bologna, and Leonardo Padura's burned-out Cuban policeman confronts Hurricane Felix and his own tropical depression in "Havana Black." Tonino Benacquista'

s Parisian gallery worker wrestles modern art and a modern art thief in "Framed," Gianrico Carofiglio's weary Italan lawyer tries to stop smoking and go straight in "A Walk in the Dark," and Marek Krajewski's laconic inspector finds corpses in walls and ghosts everywhere in "End of the World in Breslau." Jakob Arjouni's disgraced gangster plots his heroic redemption in the antic "Black Story," while Santiago Paez's Ecuadorian cops investigate a suicide who's literally gone to pieces. Let tempers and temperatures rise:
As Chandler noted, "Anything can happen."

http://www.wordswithoutborders.org/

I'm Famous

2006-08-13T12:13:00.000-07:00

Hey,

I made the list of Cleveland's noted poets. The proof's here:

Criminals At Large
Steven B. Smith's Farewell Artcrimes Is His Best Ever

Free Times

http://www.freetimes.com/story/562

...many of the area's best poets claim a page or two. Maj Ragain, Daniel Gray-Kontar, Chris Franke, Michael Salinger, Amy Sparks, Ben Gulyas, John Byrum, John Stickney, Ray McNiece, Jim Lang, Peter Leon and many others add extraordinary works, often sandwiched between vapid, puerile — crap.

Or, when I awaken from my butterfly dream, will I discover that - I am the vapid, puerile - crap betwen the extraordinary once mistakenly overlooked poets?

Tom Waits for No Man

2006-08-05T06:54:00.000-07:00

Missed out on tickets for Tom Waits Akron show.

Saw him twice way back in the late 70's. Great showman.

Last Sunday's NYT had an article on Smokey Hormel (his grandfather invented Spam - the meat sub not the computer meat message). Here's what he said about his time with Mr.Waits -

Mr. Hormel’s tenure with Beck proved useful during the next phase of his career, when he had to learn to adapt, fast, to unusual requests. In 1999 he was hired by Mr. Waits: “He said to the drummer, ‘You’re the plumbing.’ To the bass player he said, ‘You’re the electrical.’ And to me said, ‘And Smokey, you’re the drywall.’ I’m thinking, ‘O.K.’ ”

The drywall, cool.

Reading the Footnotes

2006-08-05T05:39:00.000-07:00

My story "Reading the Footnotes" is live on Thug Lit, Issue #8.

http://www.thuglit.com/home.html#

The Bush YOYO Economy

2006-07-30T12:50:00.000-07:00

A Fed economist in the NYT
http://www.nytimes.com/2006/07/23/weekinreview/23scott.html?ex=1311307200&en=8bb8262bb5f7be11&ei=5090&partner=rssuserland&emc=rss

"Firefighters who want to live in high-priced cities can work two jobs, said W. Michael Cox, chief economist for the Federal Reserve Bank of Dallas. “I think it’s great,” he said. “It gives you portfolio diversification in your income.”"

Three jobs and your income portfolio will be boffo!

YOYO - You're On Your Own

You Made Me Out To Be A Liar

2006-06-22T09:12:00.000-07:00

I took off work for this sorry assed crap?

Is this the end of Bruce Arena? Time for a change. Maybe Landon should have stayed in the German league and had some real world experience.

USA USA USA

2006-06-22T05:41:00.000-07:00

World Cup, baby, we're moving on.

Actually this is pre-game.

Don't make me out to be a liar.

The Greatest

2006-04-23T06:30:00.000-07:00

Spent Saturday at the Q watching LeBron & the Cavs spank the Wizards. Hope it is an on-going thing, a quick finish to this series without injuries so we can rest up for our best of seven beating by Detroit.

It is my father's 83rd birthday Monday. We're celebrating it today.

Listening to:

The Greatest by Cat Power
Finally a record by Chan Marshall that lives up to the hype.

Bluesnik by Jackie McLean
Another Blue Note reissue, McLean died last month, a fierce sax player who worked his way out of the shadow of Bird.

Tauhid by Pharoah Sanders
One of my favorite songs by Pharoah is on session - Upper Egypt, Lower Egypt - saw Pharoah play Fat Glenn's once - while we were standing in line a car pulled up and a blissed out Pharoah and four other musicians (including vocalist Leon Thomas) emerged along with a cloud of thick sweet smelling smoke - hash or MaryJane? - it was a question we debated while waiting to enter.

The Band: A Musical History
I wonder if The Band would even gfet a recording contract theses days?

In the Mix - Artic Monkeys, Ray LaMontange, Hamell on Trial, VOW - Voice of the Wetlands, Ben Harper, Imogene Heap, The Minus 5, Duncan Sheik

Reading -

Two Minute Rule as a book on tape

Destination Morgue - James Ellroy

The Goodbye Kiss - Massimo Carlotto

Gunslinger & Bad Money by Ed Gorman (both westerns, yes I'm thinking about writing a Western short story for the next HardLuck Stories).

The Musical Musings of Charles Bukowski

2006-03-25T06:16:00.000-08:00

Big fan of Bukowski, eh? Well then you'd probably be interested in - BUKOWSICAL (aka Bukowski the Musical). Yep, here's an article about the musical based on the poems of Charles Bukowski. http://www.calendarlive.com/stage/cl-et-stage24mar24,0,312450.story?coll=cl-stage-utility-right Wait, there's more. A link to the music: http://feeds.feedburner.com/bukowsical Still waiting for word on my recent story submissions. Listening to: Robert Glasper - Canvas - some good updated piano jazz from Blue Note Finis Tasby - Jump Children! - Tasby is the vocalist, Larry Taylor the bassist, Rick Holstrom is the mfing guitarist - polished, urban blues The Best of Linda Ronstandt - the Columbia years - a two disc set - I met Linda back when this music was being released, she played as the warm-up act for Arlo Guthrie. Someone knew someone from the back-up band and we ended up at the hotel room party. I was in high school, busy trying to keep the members of Ronstandt's back-up band (which went on to become the Eagles a year or two later) off my high school girl friend. Of course she was busy flirting with them. The angel faced Ronstandt seemed world weary already. Reflecting back, my conversation with Arlo & Ronstandt was probably what they heard from every high school guy who thought he was hip. I would have traded for Ronstandt straight up for my girl friend but the Future Eagles, despite their assurances that their contract allows such a trade, were ultimately unable to consumate that deal. So, is the CD set any good? Yes, but I am a biased observer. "I've done verything I could to try and make you mine..." Frequent Flyer - Rio de Janerio - electonica remixes with a Brazilian vibe - a step above the background music at the World Market. Otis Rush - All your loving I miss loving - Live at the WiseFools Pub - excellent blues guitar. Ray Brown & Jimmy Rowles - As Good As It Gets - bass and piano - a 2 disc set - wow, subtle talent at work here, no need to show off when you are this damn good Reading Lots of Ed Gorman. Short stories and Westerns. I'm intrigued by the call for Western Noir for the next Hardluck Stories. I've read and enjoyed Gorman's mysteries over the years, never much for Westerns - except Leonard's Hombre. Gorman may make me a convert. Kirby Olson's Waiting For the Rapture - a chapbook of Lutheran Surrealist poetry - Kirby Olson is a thoughtful, surprising and entertaining poet. Writing Man, that sucks. Not really woring on anything, flitting back and forth between a few unfinished, half thought out things. To do: focus, focus, focus.

Happy St Patrick's Day

2006-03-17T07:29:00.000-08:00

And while you at it - Give Chesterland back to the Amish!

To celebrate the day I'm wearing the green - a Cleveland State University polo shirt under a green nub sweater. I took Pirate, our Irish Jack Russell puppy (the breed is the shorty version of the Jack Russell family), for an hour walk through the neighborhood. He marked every tree, post, brush, pole and clumped outcropping of weeds that he found. He tried to pick fights with anything bigger we encountered - a Whippet, a Golden Retiever and a mail box, and he offered his sexual favors to a female terrier. He chased & treed every squirrel. In other words, short of the green beer, he celebrated in the way I once celebrated this holiday. But for me it wasn't always a terrier.

My plans - I will be consuming corn beef & cabbage and some Smithwick's or Conway's Irish Ale or some other non-green Irish brew before seeing V for Vendetta.

Temporary Insanity

2006-03-12T08:48:00.000-08:00

What the hell was I thinking?

Listening to:

Allen Toussaint - The Complete 'Tousan - get yourself some Nwalins funk

Seu Jorge - The life aquatic studio sessions - David Bowie songs acoustic in Portuguese - the only way to listen to Bowie

Soundtrack - Dusk 'till Dawn - some border blues

Alan Broadbent - Round Midnight - piano trio jazz standards

Terry Reid - Superlungs - Reid was hot stuff back in the day - Page wanted him to be the vocalist for Led Zepplin - stuff from the late 60's early 70's with a few remixed - solid

Bad Plus - Suspicious - a non-traditional piano trio outing

Susan Tedeschi - Hope and Desire - from the Bonnie Riatt school of thought

The Bop Singers - Eddie Jefferson & King Pleasure - doesn't get any better

I Believe to my Soul

2006-03-05T08:19:00.000-08:00

Finished and sent my Border story, finished and sent another to Murdaland

Thinking about a PI story. Have three other stories to finish up first.

Listening to:

I Believe to My Soul Session 01 - a collection with vocals and songs by Ann Peebles, Billy Preston, Mavis Stables, Irma Thomas and Allen Toussaint - grest voices.

The Magic Numbers - has a 60's pop feel

Beautiful Dreamer - the songs of Stephen Foster - again some wonderful voices

Ray Barretto - Time Was - Time Is - Latin Jazz - the alto sax is a little shrill

Greatest Obit Ever

2006-02-26T09:57:00.000-08:00

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/02/26/nyregion/26muse.html?_r=1&oref=login

From the New York Times:

February 26, 2006

Emilie Muse, 98, Daredevil Who Dared Not Discuss Past, Dies

By DOUGLAS MARTIN

Emilie Neumann Muse, who as a young woman exemplified the crazy, flamboyant competitiveness of the 20's and 30's by swimming in treacherous waters, wrestling alligators, jumping out of airplanes and being buried alive, died on Jan. 23 in East Patchogue, N.Y. She was 98.

The cause was complications of a stroke, her granddaughter Loretta Muse Dill said.

In later decades, Mrs. Muse was a dedicated homemaker whose interests included beekeeping and gardening. Her husband, Fred, did not want their children to know of her daredevil past for fear it might prove overly inspirational, and she herself did not share her stories until they were adults.

But the young Miss Neumann (pronounced NOY-man) exuberantly followed in the footsteps of Gertrude Ederle, also a longtime Bronx resident with a German background, who in 1926 became the first woman to swim the English Channel. In an epoch when breaking records and stretching human achievement were national passions, Miss Neumann in 1929 swam across the East River at the treacherous stretch known as Hell Gate and two weeks later swam for 24 hours straight in tidal waters.

Why?

"For no reason at all, except that she wanted to be able to say that she had accomplished such a difficult feat," The New York Daily News said in the caption to a picture on Aug. 12, 1929.

Things quickly got more interesting, pretty much from the moment Miss Neumann met a man who called himself Alligator Jim because of his vocation of wrestling alligators for money.

Ms. Dill said no one in the family knows — if anyone was ever told — how her grandmother met the man. Alligator Jim soon taught Miss Neumann how to fly a plane, to parachute and land on a tiny target, and to wrestle alligators (as proved by a picture in The Albany Times Union on June 13, 1932). He then hit on the idea of burying her alive.

On Nov. 9, 1932, a Wednesday evening, Miss Neumann was buried at a marathon dance contest at the Casino ballroom in Reading, Pa. She weighed 125 pounds; when she was excavated 97 hours later, at 10 p.m. on Nov. 13, she weighed 114 and was very, very hungry.

She was also buried at air shows and other entertainment venues, as attested to by the many clippings in her scrapbook. At these times, she lay in a coffin with a glass window so people could gaze down at her.

Ms. Dill said she believed her grandmother followed Alligator Jim for a few action-packed years. She thinks he was in love with her, but is pretty sure the feeling was not reciprocated.

Romance came a few years later when Miss Neumann met Friedrich Wilhelm Muse, a ship's electrician who, while in port, happened by a bakery owned by family members. She was not initially enamored of Mr. Muse, but her competitive juices surged when her best friend, an attractive Frenchwoman, fell for him.

Mrs. Muse and the man who legally changed his name to Fred had four children and owned four homes when he died in 1975. Mrs. Muse is survived by two daughters, Juanita Fenninger and Diane Tax, both of Mahopac, N.Y.; a son, Robert Muse; eight grandchildren and 10 great-grandchildren. Her son, Richard, died in 2002.

Emilie Neumann Muse was born on Jan. 14, 1908, in Bremen, Germany, and grew up in the Bronx when horses and buggies were a common sight. "I'll try anything once," she liked to say. "I'll taste it, I'll try it, I'll do it once."

Mystery Circus/ CSI - Cleveland

2006-02-18T12:08:00.000-08:00

I've posted some stuff up at Mystery Circus http://www.mysterycircus.com/ - under the topics - Texas Cheney Saw Massacre and Noir in Translation.

The Cheney stuff includes a link to a self-styled CSI invest of the shotgun incident.

My sister-in-law recently served on a Criminal Trial Jury. It was a drug case, the defendant was a mule, they had her on tape setting up a meet, they had eye witness testimony, photgraphs, other stuff. In the deliberations the jury members wondered why there was no finger-prints/hair samples/fiber samples taken. CSI-Cleveland is on the case.

Listening to:

Smoking at the Half Note - Wes Montgomery w Wynton Kelly - I really like the way Kelly plays - has that gospel jazz feel down.
Bill Frisell - Blues Dreams
Ry Cooder - Chicken Skin Music
Jackie McClean -Prestige Profile
Bireli Lagrene - Move
Shout Out Louds - Howl Howl Gaff Gaff
Broken Social Scene
Aimee Mann - The Forgotten Arm
Rough Guide to Brazilian Hip Hop

Reading -
Caught Stealing - Charlie Huston
Bank Job - Steve Brewer
Mothers and other monsters - Maureen McHugh
Devil's Right Hand - JD Rhoades

Tough week writing. My border story for the next Hardluck Stories issue has become three different stories. Now I'm trying to get at least one done and shaped up enough to send.

Another Saturday in Chilly City

2006-02-11T07:38:00.000-08:00

Colder that a witch’s thorax. Here’s what is new – just about done with Sean Dolittle’s Rain Dogs – also reading No Country for Old Men and Parker’s School Days. Listening to S Kings book on writing on tape, Dr John’s Sippiana Hurricane, Music from Broken Flowers, Howl Howl Gaff Gaff by the Shout Out Louds, Bettye LaVette’s I’ve Got my own Hell to Raise.

Working on a short story for the border issue of Hardluck Stories. Have two other in mind for the same issue if I have the time.

Shame about Arrested Development.

Shame about the President – either no one bothered to tell him about the levy in New Orleans or he just didn’t pay them no mind. Either way, he stayed on vacation while US Citizens drowned. Will all those folks who defended FEMA & Brown now attack him? Will all those folks forget that the President appointed Brownie? I’d put money on it.

The Kite Runner

2006-02-04T07:27:00.000-08:00

Terrific first novel - terrific novel. A 371 page turner, the last forty pages a bit of a letdown, almost as if the author had to find a way out.

Another Laundry List

2006-01-28T05:32:00.000-08:00

Been a while, busy with my day job and life.

Finished Lee Goldberg's Man with the Ironed on Badge - really enjoyed it, clever, funny but tightly written.

Finished the William Campbell Gault - Come Die With Me. I want to read more of Gault.
The Cleveland Public Library has four other Brock (the Rock) Callahan novels.

Next up - have to start & finish The Kite Runner for my Dim Sum Book Club before next Saturday.
Then JD Rhoades and Dolittle's Rain Dogs.

Listening:
Hurrican Relief - Come Together Now - it is a benefit album.
Ernest Ranglin - Surfin'
Freddie Hubbard - The Artist Selects (Blue Note)
Bob Marley & The Wailers - Africa Unite
Devendra Banhart - Cripple Crow
Sounds Eclectic 3

I know, really boring post.

Out of the Money T-Shirt-wise

2006-01-22T06:34:00.000-08:00

The winners have been announced for the armor car/kid clothing blog story event at
http://paulguyot.blogs.com/inkslinger/

I finished out of the money meaning no t-shirt for me. Still, even among such distinguished company I'm happy to say my story GOD BLESS US garnered some votes. To anyone who read the story and wants to give me some feedback, I'd love to hear from you.

Come Die With Me

2006-01-21T09:36:00.000-08:00

Come Die With Me, a Brock (the Rock) Callahan PI novel c1959 by William Campbell Gault

I've been the above for a few weeks, along side three other novels and a few short story collections - sort of wetting my beak with this one from time to time - and it struck me how much Callahan probably influenced my first PI favorite Ross McDonald's Lew Archer. Made me want to read all of the Callahan stuff, search out Gault's other PI Joe Puma and begin rereading the Archer books. So much to read, there's always more than can reasonably fit in the on deck circle.

Have to start and finish The Kite Runner for my Dim Sum Book Club in Feb..
Have to finish The Man with the Ironed on Badge.
Have to finish that JD Rhoades - Devil's Right Hand.
Have two current war memoirs I'm slogging through.
and more...

2006-01-16T13:20:00.000-08:00

My story is up at Hardluck Stories:

http://www.hardluckstories.com/fall2005/Home-Stickney.htm

The Official Ink Slinger Blog Armored Car/Kids Clothing Story Contest

2006-01-16T13:02:00.000-08:00

The Official Ink Slinger Blog Armored Car/Kids Clothing Story Contest

I enterd Paul Guyot's blog story contest. The above link should take you to the stories, read the entries and vote for the three best by Tuesday, January 24.

http://paulguyot.blogs.com/bogarmoredcarstory/

One Down, One Up

2005-12-31T08:28:00.000-08:00

Things I'll write about - jazz, blues and other music; crime fiction; poetry and all things literary; and politcs.,

Jazz - primarily Bop and post-Bop. My latest favorite is the CD The BeBop Singers with Annie Ross, Joe Carroll, Eddie Jefferson, Jon Hendricks and my main man King Pleasure. Also listening to Verve's Best of Shirley Horn, Andrew!!! - a Blue Note reissue of the music of Andrew Hill, and Native Lands by drummer Will Calhoun which features a few tracks with Pharoh Saunders.

Blues - I'm waiting for something new. Caught Buried in the Blues & have begun tracing back some of those old Chicago based white blues players who started me listening thirty-plus years ago.

Other music - in heavy rotation right now - brit folkie Bert Jansch, Sufjan Stevens- Illinoise, Franz Ferdinand's latest, Nada Surf, Death Cab, Modest Mouse, Spoon, Calexico with Iron & Wine, Mindy Smith and a whole bunch of other stuff.

Crime fiction - WCGault, The Wheelman, Greatest Hits, some of the Hard Case Crime books...

Other Fiction - No Country for Old Men, Northwestern's Writings from an Unbound Europe.

Poetry - Jack Hirschman's latest selected from City Lights, Jack Gilbert's latest

Politics - Liberal, pro-choice, pro-gun, pro-civil union/marriage